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In honor of David Letterman’s retirement, following is an excerpt from Late Night with David Letterman: The Book, Ed. Merrill Markoe, Villard Books, New York, 1985.

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Chapter: The Late Night Viewer: A Profile

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Residence: Nonviewer—split-level three bedroom house; Viewer—allowed to use equipment shed at a driving range.

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Employment: Nonviewer—insurance sales representative; Viewer—no job as such, but sold two Bowie tickets for $150.

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Military Service: Nonviewer—two years’ weekend service, U.S. Army Reserve; Viewer—saw Stripes.

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Education: Nonviewer—bachelor’s degree, Kansas State University; Viewer—would have high school diploma if shop teacher wasn’t such a liar.

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Marital Status: Nonviewer—married, two children; Viewer—divorced, but would like to get divorced again some day.

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Attitude Toward Entertainment Tonight’s Mary Hart: Nonviewer—can’t abide her; Viewer—can’t abide her.

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Attitude Toward Movies in Which Cycle Gangs Terrorize Ordinary Folks: Nonviewer—repulsed by them; Viewer—seeks them out.

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Favorite Hobby: Nonviewer—restoring antique wood furniture; Viewer—shooting at stop signs with a pellet gun.

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Last Major Purchase: Nonviewer—5-h.p. Lawn Boy riding mower; Viewer—two 10-pound bags of ice.

Political Affiliation: Nonviewer—last voted Republican ticket in ’82 election; Viewer—last voted in US magazine “Who’s Hot—Who’s Not” poll.